Mistake
by Emme2589
Summary: V-GR struggles with his identity. WARNINGS: Threat of self-harm, gender confusion, hint of domestic abuse.


V-GR flicked through each channel over the holographic television screen, a bored expression on her face. Each one was more boring than the last, as they were funded by the church and nothing else. V-GR found that she wanted to stay inside today, not having the patience nor the energy to tolerate anything. Something was wrong with her, that was certain, and nothing made her feel better than thinking about things.

Perhaps today, that had been a bad idea...

Keith liked to call his whole circle of friends "dude" or "bro", and that really resonated with her. V-GR didn't know why, but hanging out with the guys felt better than among the girls her own age. She liked to play rough, she liked to take chances, and her guy friends were more than supportive of her. She was in her element, like the missing piece of a puzzle slowly floating into place.

Nothing seemed to fit when she was at home, but her act was tired. Her smile felt far too forced.

She finally turned the TV off, tossing the remote beside herself and hiding her face in her hands. Each of her palms found her head flare, giving a dainty look to her round face. She scratched at it like it burned her head, wishing it could just go away. Her frame curved inward, her eyes having tiny flares that acted as lashes. None of it felt right. Not at all.

She was sick of being a girl. She wanted to be a boy.

"V-Gr?"

V-GR snapped her head up. It was her mom.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Amery came to sit next to her daughter on the sofa, "Are you okay?"

V-GR hadn't realized how much she'd been shaking, "M-Mom..."

Jeez, even her voice sounded wrong.

"V-Gr, it's okay. You're father isn't home yet. You can tell me anything."

V-GR tried to take a shaking breath, "Mom...I..." Wow, this was hard. She finally managed to choke out, "...I want to be a boy..."

The information didn't register at first. Amery was stunned into silence, afraid that she had suddenly gone deaf.

"...d-did you say...?"

V-GR stayed sure. It felt better once the information was out, "...I don't want to be a girl...I never truly did...I want to be masculine..."

Amery looked as though she would cry, "You want to transition!?"

V-GR realized her mistake too late, "Mom! WAIT!"

Amery had stood up and began shouting, "How could you!? Why would you want to ruin yourself just to spite everyone!?"

"Mom!" V-GR was in silent agony as she stood up as well.

"You can't just make a decision like that! You'll ruin your life!"

"But I didn't choose this!" V-GR tried to hid her sobs, "I've been feeling this for years!"

"How do you know that feeling is true!?"

V-GR had never seen her mother so torn up about anything. She came to the realization that her mother wasn't angry.

She was terrified.

V-GR decided to try something drastic; she dove for the small kitchen counter.

"V-Gr! What are you-!?"

V-GR held the giant knife to her own head. Amery stayed completely silent as it stayed there, watching it gleam menacingly. The blade was tilted upward, pressed against the head flare that fused to V-GR's metal skull like a taunt, making fun of her existence and the way she was born; a mistake.

She was just a stupid mistake.

V-GR took a shaking breath between her clenched teeth, "...I will cut it off..." she breathed, her words barely reaching her lips, "...I will cut this awful thing off my head and wrap it around my c-curved frame...I will do it..." the knife made a cut through the hot metal, _"...I will do it..."_

"V-Gr, stop!"

She did, the knife still in her head.

"Listen to me. This must be hard for you, I know, but you must remove the knife, please?"

V-GR still didn't move, other than to tremble uncontrollably.

"To be honest, your father isn't the best robot maker. I admit he must have made a mistake when he built you, but this is not going to help. Do you understand? If you do this, you will die, so I beg of you, _lower the knife."_

V-GR did has she was told, though she was reluctant. Her screen glistened with errors and glitches as she continued to cry, dropping the knife onto the floor.

"I can't live like this anymore..." she sniffed as she rubbed both her eyes, "I just can't..."

Amery quickly swept up the knife and put it away, "Sweetheart, come here..."

V-GR collapsed into her mother's arms, "I'm so sick of this! I hate the world!"

"Don't say that. You'll be just fine." Amery fell to her knees as she held V-GR, still a blubbering mess, "I will take care of you like I always have. I'm just so scared that you'll actually go through with this and be rejected by everyone. I love you more than anything, so please just stay with me..."

V-GR didn't feel any more like herself than before, but...somehow...she felt better. At least someone knew now, maybe she could find other ways to be herself. Maybe she could find a way to be a boy in the future, a way to escape and go to Earth. She wanted to be free, and nothing made her more upset than staying this way, trapped in the wrong body, just because her father had wanted a girl and not a boy.

She was suffocating.

"Mom...?"

"What is it?"

V-GR looked up into her mother's eyes, "Call me your son? Just once?"

"Oh, sweetheart...I don't know if..."

"Please!? Just once! I promise!"

Amery looked around her, making sure Gregor was well out of sight. She watched as V-GR's eyes glistened with hope, pleading.

"Please...?"

Amery finally smiled, though it was a bit forced, "...You...always were a strong little boy, V-Gr...my son..."

V-GR beamed, "Yes...yes, it feels right..."

"You'll be just fine, V-Gr..." Amery cooed, "Listen, I can think of you as my son when we're alone, that's fine, but don't tell your father. Now is not the right time."

V-GR nodded, "O-of course..." she leaned once more into her mother, "At least 'Voyager' is a gender-neutral name..."

"It is, huh?" Amery gently stroked V-GR's back, "It's okay...you're okay, Son..."

This went on until Gregor got home, about fifteen minutes later, and V-GR went back to the facade of being a girl. Somehow though, it wasn't so bad as it had seemed before. Maybe all she had needed was a good cry, and a comforting from Mom.

V-GR ran her fingers down the curve of her side. One day, that curve would be gone. It just wasn't who she was...who ihe/i was...he would fix this one day.

But for now, he was okay.

He would be just fine.


End file.
